American Horror Story: Coven has just a few episodes left and everything is moving at a breakneck pace. What happened in last night’s “Protect the Coven”? Let’s review.
WINNER: Tastes for blood
FX
Madame LaLurie has been depraved since the first episode, but where did it all begin? Apparently with something as simple as LaLurie having to cut a chicken’s head off when the chefs didn’t do it. After learning she loved the feel of the blood, she saw a slave with an injury and decided to carve him up all for herself. So nice.
She also has her body back again thanks to Queenie and somehow that means she’s back being a maid with the Coven. And when she sees Madison not flushing her shit in a toilet she opts to feeds it to them all in a mulligatawny stew, which Myrtle raves about. What a treat for all.
She then gets back to carving up some black guy who was helping out in the house, claiming it’s a “scientific fascination” for how black people work. So…she’s evil again, I guess? Sure, whatever.
LOSER: Queenie’s return to the coven
Queenie moves back into the house after her near death experience at the hands of Delia’s husband. But even though she survived the silver bullet that hit her in the chest, she’s not exactly happy to be back. Her room was given away and Delia didn’t do anything to reach out to her when she went out to Marie Laveau’s side.
The good news? Queenie now thinks she’s the new Supreme. The bad news? She doesn’t seem very nice.
LOSER: Meetings
FX
After Queenie’s little wakeup shouting match at her direction, Delia decides she needs to blind herself again with a knife. Not sure I follow the logic here.
While all this goes down, Fiona and Marie Laveau go to meet with the witch murdering company in what they thought was a negotiation. Instead, turns out that it was a trap set not by the company but by Fiona, Laveau, and the Axe Man. The Axe Man chops up/shoots everyone but Hank’s dad despite the offer of a 100-year truce. He swears that killing all them won’t end the witch-witch hunter squabbles but they don’t care. His last words are “Go to hell, witch bitch” before Fiona chops his throat with an axe.
Neither of these were very productive meetings.
WINNER: Zoe’s bathtub viewings of the past
Nan’s dead for real and Zoe figures out that it was Fiona and Marie Laveau who did it by casting a spell on the bathtub Nan was drowned in. But Madison walks in on it and gets jealous that Kyle and Zoe are hanging out and in love and it’s all just a mess because they were supposed to share him. Madison vows to take Kyle apart as punishment. So she’s also straight up evil now, too. Can anyone turn good? Anyone at all?
Meanwhile, Myrtle tells Zoe she needs to leave the coven with Kyle. They’re in love and the coven will kill her and blah blah. Zoe’s convinced that she should leave. At least Zoe didn’t turn bad yet.
Zoe decides to leave with Kyle but Kyle is afraid to leave because he doesn’t know what he would do. He’s got feelings inside that he can’t control. Zoe tries to reaffirm to him that she’s not scared of him to get him to come but he won’t go, saying it’s not her decision. He relents and they leave for a bus headed to Orlando with, shockingly, no one waiting there to kill them. The one time there’s no twist is the time you expect it most. This fucking show.
LOSER: A visit from the ghost of murders past
FX
The ghost of Spaulding appears to LaLurie after she’s carved up the black dude, telling her that she needs to find peace. And that peace will come in the form of killing Marie Laveau while she’s been weakened. Spaulding will help but demands something expensive and tough to get in return.
The trade turns out to be a very expensive doll for some Benadryl, which LaLurie thinks is a potion because she’s from the past. Oh, Spaulding. You cad.
LaLurie gives her the spiked drinks and then tries to drive a knife through her heart, only to find out that didn’t work quite as well as she hoped. Spaulding clubs her in the head with a doll to knock her out and then reveals to LaLurie that she can’t die because she is immortal. So he tells LaLurie to bury her somewhere she can’t dig her way out. Spaulding then claims her baby because he loves dolls so much, I guess, and this seems like not a good thing.
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I like this show for the insanity is puts forth each week, I really do. But the last two weeks my head has been spinning trying to figure out who’s where. Misty is buried, Nan is dead dead, LaLurie is evil again, Delia’s blind again…it’s like being on a treadmill. I want to see where this all goes, I want to see who’s the new Supreme, but the journey to get there is just exhausting. And Fiona’s not even “so bad she’s good” at this point; I found myself hoping more that she and Laveau would be on the receiving end of some witch hunter company justice rather than extracting the revenge themselves. Probably not what Ryan Murphy and the writing team intended.
Two and a half chicken heads out of five for this one. I’m just glad the end is in sight.
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