Crowd-sourcing sites like Kickstarter are amazing tools that can help aspiring creative get their ideas out to the masses – but it’s also a haven for talentless weirdos and entitled celebrities to peddle promises and deliver self-indulgence to those willing to shell out for it. Sometimes their campaigns fail, and that’s why we’ve all gathered here today to take a look at some of the funniest Kickstarter failures ever. Let’s begin.
7 Hipster Folk Music Video
Girls star Zosia Mamet asked people to donate $32,000 to make a music video for her and her sisters’ terrible folk song. No one likes folk music and no one wants to hear a “banjo-and-body percussion” group that was formed by this girl and her sister “as an excuse to spend more time together.”
How badly did it fail? $2,783 out of the $32,000 goal. Not bad considering hipster banjo-core would have been the most awful music genre known to man.
6 American Ass
The Kickstarter page describes this venture as “An ambitious photographic journey to major American landmarks, baring my rear and making a twelve month calendar to show for it.” You read that right. This guy wants you to fund his trip to various American destinations so he can nude up to have his ass star in otherwise tasteful photos and turn them into postcards, calendars and more.
How badly did it fail? As of the time of this being written, there are 33 days left to reach $15,000. It’s at $184 right now.
5 Brian Griffin Memorial Statue
First off, why did the Internet implode when Brian Griffin “died” on Family Guy? Clearly that was not meant to last. Secondly, this guy is an absolute idiot. Here are some excerpts from his IndieGogo: “The goal is to commission a “life-sized” statue of Brian Griffin and have it installed in downtown Providence … I’ve set the target sum to accomplish this at $10,000 … this seems like a reasonable amount to cover all the costs.”
How badly did it fail? A total of $12 was pledged towards the $10,000 goal.
4 Melting Chocolate Jesus
“Jesus Melts for You” would have been an art performance where Cosimo Cavallaro would have melted a chocolate sculpture of Jesus on the Las Vegas Strip. This required $98,000. Let’s all say it together…JESUS.
How badly did it fail? This pretentious weirdo would have made an art out of wasting people’s money, but thankfully he only hit $110 out of $98,000.
3 A Robotic Solution to Gun Violence
That’s right. This guy’s heart was in the right place, but his head was not. Here are the project’s woefully misguided phases:
Phase 1 - Develop mechanical/electronic mobile robot $60,000.
Oh, that seems simple and safe!
Phase 2 - Basic Autonomous (Navigation) Ability – $150,000.
Now we’re getting into Terminator 2: Judgment Day territory…
Phase 3 - Advanced Autonomous Ability – $250,000.
It’s becoming self-aware!
Phase 4 – Field Trials – $300,000.
The machines have won!
How badly did it fail? This failed hard to the tune of just $700 out of the $60,000 goal. That’s just a tick over 1% of the goal. Ouch.
2 Ghettopoly
Buy stolen property, pimp a hoe, build a crack house and get your car jacked in the game of Ghettopoly. This is actually a pretty dope idea, son. But at $55 per game, you really may need to move into the projects after purchasing.
How badly did it fail? Actually it made its goal! But now it’s the subject of an intellectual property dispute despite the fact that it’s being shipped all over the world. The Monopoly man is coming for them.
1 A Movie Starring Melissa Joan Hart
Remember Clarissa Explains It All back in the 90s and then a bunch of low-profile TV movies after that? Neither do we. MJH asked fans to contribute $2 million so she could star in a romantic comedy because Hollywood wouldn’t take a chance on her as a leading lady. The plot is boring, the reason for making it is in essence so that a woman who is reportedly worth $14 million can have a more “serious” movie career, and the backer rewards were RIDICULOUS. Here’s one: If you pledge $100 or more one of the cast members will follow you on Twitter for a year. WOW. AMAZING.
How badly did it fail? $51,605 out of the $2 million was reached. That is about 1/40th of what they needed to make this abomination.
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