I’m part of a couple and you might be too. Maybe you’re even part of the couple I’m a part of (and if you’re reading this I’m sorry, baby.) But it’s got to be said; though love is a wonderful thing, couples often aren’t. Here are the worst things about couples.
7 They think they’re one person
You can order separate plates of food, have your own social lives and watch different television and movies – I promise. Stop stoking the fires of individuality with your comfortable, static existence as being the “other half” of another person.
6 Couples that bicker in public
You’re way too comfortable with making everyone else uncomfortable. And you wonder why we never invite you out to places other than chain restaurants anymore.
5 They always have to sit together
The worst of this is couples who sit on the same side of the table together. Disconnect your bodies for one meal, I promise it will be okay. You shouldn’t need to sit together everywhere. Okay, except for on an airplane…I guess you get a free pass for that.
4 PDA
You intrigue me. I mean, you disgust me. Save that shiz for never.
3 They have weird inside jokes
No, I do not understand what it means when you excitedly say, “Szechuan hot pot!” and then high five, or grimly report that, “It’s leprechaun time,” and then beer batter yourselves.
2 Their happiness is disgusting
Uch. Stop looking at each other with those giant love-eyes. You’re making everyone around you a) sick, b) subconsciously horny or, worst of all, c) jealous of what you have.
1 They’re probably just going to break up anyway
Most couples get together because they’re infatuated and think they’re in love when it’s really just their hormones playing Plinko with their emotions. Guys, don’t jump head-long into a relationship with just any hot chick with that fucked up look in her eye.
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