Over the last four years of my life, I ran Guyism. In the process, I’ve learned about what it means to be a guy. Here are my tips to being great at it.
When I founded Guyism in 2009, the goal was to create a one-stop shop for the best men’s content online. But at the time, I was just 25 years old and barely knew what was best for me, let alone what’s best for men at large.
Now, almost five years later, I’ve written thousands of posts designed to entertain guys of all ages, of all walks of life, and maybe even a woman here and there. I’ve loved, I’ve lost the most influential men in my life, I’ve sold the company I poured my heart into. I’ve come of age here on Guyism and I think I’ve gotten to the point where I can say, objectively, I’m not terrible at life.
So, basically, I think I’m now uniquely qualified to tell you, average Guyism reader, how to be a guy and be great at it.
-Take ownership on everything you do. Good things, flaws, whatever. Owning your mistakes as much as you own your achievements is what makes you a guy people can count on.
-Bring something to every house party you’re ever invited to. The most basic manners go a long way and you look so much worse if you don’t.
-On that note, always hold doors for women AND men, put a napkin in your lap when you sit down, unbutton your suit jacket or blazer when sitting down but button it when standing up, don’t reach over someone’s plate without saying excuse me, and go to the bathroom if you have to cut a gasser around people you’re trying to impress.
-Whenever it’s remotely feasible, help someone out, professionally or personally. Call it paying it forward or whatever helps rationalize it in your head but the reality is you’re making the world a better place AND building relationships for when you may need something.
-Odds are that person you emailed saw your email. One follow-up during a normal hour is fine but any more and you can safely assume the person you emailed is thinking “No” but doesn’t want to say it.
-Live in the moment, not in social media. Take your one Instagram photo when you get somewhere cool but don’t obsess over trying to find a perfect one every second. You’ve got memories for a reason.
-Don’t start seriously dating a girl unless you think you can marry her. Even if you don’t want to get married, use that as the measuring stick. Don’t settle.
-Seriously, don’t fucking settle. Ever. Complacency is death and you should always serve as your own kick in the ass.
-If you’re alive and near a phone, reply to your texts in a timely fashion, sub two hours. Being needlessly elusive doesn’t make you cool.
-When you’re single, always date two girls, maybe three at once. A competitive marketplace is always better for business, especially in romance.
-Chase your dreams, regardless of the cost. Sick of your job? So is 99 percent of the work force. What makes people special, from the greatest businessmen to the most successful artists, is the ability to find a way out to do what they love.
-How? Make a three-month plan, a six-month plan, figure out what you need to spend, what’s essential and non-essential, and find a way to have it all make sense.
-Listen to your family. Heed their advice. Don’t let them dictate your life.
-When you do find that girl whom you want to commit to, commit to her and the process. No texting exes, no sidepieces. You owe it to yourself and her to give it an actual shot.
-Give less of a fuck and see how it goes. You’ll be surprised at how much more people respect you when they sense that you are who you are and how uncompromising you can be.
-That said, there’s a difference between “not giving a fuck” and “trying too hard.” Don’t be a dick to people for the sake of it, just be true to who you are, what you want, and how you’re going to achieve it. Always.
-When in doubt, tip everyone. Here’s my helpful guide on tipping that covers just about everything you need to know on the subject.
-Don’t be afraid or too prideful to try online dating. There are millions and millions of people in major cities across the U.S., a significant portion of whom are single and you would literally never come across in daily life. Trying Tinder, OkCupid, Match, whatever only increases your odds of finding someone worthwhile.
-Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Abide by these basic rules of drinking and you’ll significantly decrease hangovers and your odds of barfing.
-Find your preferred drink and stick with it. It makes it much easier to keep yourself from getting into the sloppy blackout portion of things that’s not a good look for any of us.
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-Care about your appearance. That doesn’t mean dress like a prissy little fellow all the time, but it does mean having fresh clothes, a nice cologne used adeptly, and nice breath. People WILL like you more.
-For cologne, apply it with a small spray it behind each of your ears, on your collarbone, and on the nape of your neck. This is proper cologne etiquette. One spritz on each part will carry you through and smell good but not overpowering if someone gets close.
-Trust your instincts. When you meet someone for the first time and you’re not impressed or, worse, find them untrustworthy, your first instinct is going to be right 90% of the time. When you question your gut is when you get into trouble.
-Being good at karaoke won’t get you laid but it definitely won’t hurt. Own the stage and win the crowd over with performance, even if you sing like a dying cat.
-Look attractive in your main social media photos (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn). So many people see them that you don’t even realize. Also: Look like how you actually look in them, not 25 pounds ago.
-Don’t yell at or, especially, hit the following things: Your kids, your girl, your pets. Every moment of rage you can’t control is a ding to the delicate house of cards that is who they become in your life.
-If you need to jumpstart a diet, try the Leangains style of eating and fitness. Fasting for 16 hours and eating reasonably saves you a ton of calories and has a lot of science about peak human performance supporting it.
-Don’t be afraid to do something just because everyone else says it’s a bad idea. Do your research, present a case to yourself, and you’ll find the right answer in the process.
-If something feels wrong and you’ve got insurance, go to a doctor. It might be awkward but suck it up.
-Immediately downgrade anyone who brags about not owning a TV. Television, especially these days, is art. Thumbing your nose at it for ego reasons is a sign of low character.
-You’re totally within your rights to be surly when getting an unsolicited sales call.
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-Read. A lot. Not just books but articles, too. Download Instapaper, install their button on your bookmarks bar and click “Read later” any time you see anything long reads-ish that you’re interested in. There’s no such thing as learning too much.
-But when you learn something new and the time comes to bust it out, don’t act like an expert because you read one article about it. Saying “Oh, I was just reading about this on X Credible Publication” gives context and makes you look more worldly.
-When you fight with a girlfriend, don’t talk about it on social media or to friends. Keep shit to yourself sometimes or else you and your significant other just end up looking bad more often than not.
-Daydrinking is more fun that night drinking. This is more of an opinion but I feel strongly enough about it to put it in here.
-Come on, just start day drinking at 12 P.M. one day, call it a wrap at 8 P.M. then chill and watch TV or reap the benefits of your hard work with girls during the daytime. A strong combination of fun and relaxing, perfect for a weekend day. Random people are much friendlier during the day time, too.
-Don’t be afraid to cry sometimes. When you don’t do it for years on end, it kind of makes you feel like you’re emotionally broken.
-Wear a condom. If you don’t wear one, make sure you trust the other person as if your life depends on it. Because it does.
-When someone warns you about something that they’ve experienced and you haven’t, it’s a good idea to trust them. Experience trumps optimism in even the best scenarios.
-If you’ve gained 15 pounds in less than a year, you’re getting too fat. If you can’t see your dick when you push your stomach out, you’re getting too fat. If you need to buy new pants a size larger because your old ones hurt, you’re getting too fat.
-Every binge day of eating and drinking you have, balance it out with a super light day. At least that way you’re breaking even.
-Every day you’re alive is a chance at building something great. Despite what we’ve been told all of our lives, no one is actually born special. You earn that every day through hard work, being a good friend and relative, and being the best version of yourself you can be.
So there you have it. If you do at least one of these things, I promise you your life will be better for it. If not, I will give you a full refund for this post.
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Since this post is also my last one for Guyism, I’m going to drop some thank yous in here, too.
Thanks SO MUCH to my team at Guyism. Cass, Andy Isaac, and Doug have been with me on Guyism from day one and are the only ones who can possibly understand how it feels for me to leave this behind. They – along with our freelancers like Colin Joliat, Neil Bulson, K. Thor Jensen, and Jason Epstein – have been amazing to work with, made my job easier every single day, and will do wonders for Guyism or whatever their hearts desire in the future.
Thanks to our extended family at Woven for their support over the last year and, especially, the guys at BroBible. It’s been fun working alongside people who care as much as we do about this content thing of ours. Here’s hoping Woven grows into something massive that everyone on Earth knows.
Thanks to all of our alums, many of whom have gone on to amazing things. In particular, our first freelancer Jenni Maier is a big time editor at Crushable, Jeff Wysaski has created one of the funniest sites on the Internet with Pleated Jeans, and, of course, my favorite girl Katie Nolan is killing it on Fox Sports 1’s Crowd Goes Wild every single day. These three, along with countless others, helped us grow in the beginning and it makes me all tingly inside to see how far they’ve come.
Thanks to all of our other advertising partners we’ve had since launch, particularly the folks at Yardbarker and Burst Media who literally kept us afloat for years. Without them buying into what we were doing with Guyism during our early years, this wouldn’t be a business as much as it (surprisingly?) turned out to be.
Thanks to our traffic partners, ranging from the massive ones like The Chive to newer ones like RSVLTS who’ve helped us keep new eyes on Guyism at all times. If we link someone on Guyism, you know they don’t suck. We make sure to only work with sites we personally read and enjoy.
Most importantly, thanks to you, the reader, ESPECIALLY if you made it this far down my goodbye post. It’s beyond cliché but every day we work on Guyism, we do it just in the hope that it’ll entertain you for a split second. It’s so hard to break through the clutter on the Internet so every one of you who has been to this site is as much a part of our Internet experience as we are yours. You could go anywhere online but you came here and I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to be let into your laptop, cell phone, or wherever you’ve encountered Guyism. We’d be nowhere without you.
Love you all,
Chris Spags Follow @chrisspags
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