Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Who would’ve guessed the weather would turn out to be better than the game?
— J.A. Adande (@jadande) February 3, 2014
Not Payton Manning.
Studies have shown that everyone in Denver is on porn hub right now.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) February 3, 2014
Porn does take the sting out of a devastating loss.
Look at all those men just kissing the tip of that ball. Mmmmm. Just the tip.
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) February 3, 2014
That’s right, baby.
Here's one thing I'm happy about: No flat brimmed caps on the victory stand. #SuperBowl
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) February 3, 2014
Truth.
I'll bet that Clydesdale and that puppy are boning right now.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) February 3, 2014
Gives new meaning to the words “puppy love.”
Tebow could've put up 8.
— Chris Rock (@chrisrock) February 3, 2014
Oh God, don’t give them ammunition.
Sure the Seahawks won, but if the Broncos & Seahawks played ten times…I wouldn't watch any of those either because that game sucked.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) February 3, 2014
Yes, two new teams next year please.
6 more weeks of winter. The groundhog went back into his hole on Sunday. I'm not sure if he saw his shadow, or the Super Bowl.
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) February 3, 2014
I went into hiding after that too.
hey celebs who race to send RIP tweets, maybe just send flowers. be sure to instagram it so we all know how kind you are. #ihopeyourenext
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) February 3, 2014
But they were “heartfelt” tweets.
I'm so proud of humans. I love humans. I want to cuddle all humans. If you're a human, I love you.
— Dove Cameron (@DoveCameron) February 3, 2014
Dogs were so pissed they were left out after reading this.
Jesus, these fucking chicks. One kiss, and they're planning their honeymoon. #TheBachelor
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) February 4, 2014
Well, they are looking for a husband on a TV show.
Budweiser commercial was great. Made me want to buy a puppy not a beer
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) February 4, 2014
He has a point.
Just like people – whenever a bag is traveling alone it's labelled as suspicious and something must be wrong with it.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) February 4, 2014
Great, now bags are being profiled.
Rosa Parks Iron Sheik same thing
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) February 4, 2014
Uh, okay, Sheik.
Maybe Woody Allen did it, maybe he didn't. Either way, pretty sure I don't want to hang out with Woody Allen.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) February 4, 2014
Right there with you, Michael.
Reports: Putin mite let his Gf light the offcial Olympic torch. At his level, I'd think u wouldn't hv to do shit like that to get laid.
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) February 5, 2014
Proof that guys never have to stop trying.
George Zimmerman's boxing coach whispers in his ear, "Pretend he's a woman or a child."
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) February 5, 2014
If true, DMX is in trouble.
Ruben Studdard should announce he's running for the same congressional seat as Clay Aiken.
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) February 5, 2014
Hell, why not just make it a reality show too.
Watching luge always makes me want to go outside and not luge.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 6, 2014
How does one even get into luge, anyway?
Hey people in Sochi hotels with unflushable toilets and undrinkable water: look on the bright side, you could be on a Carnival Cruise!
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) February 6, 2014
See, there is a silver lining.
Ripped a searing fart while lying on my side. "This is what Nancy Grace must feel like all the time," I mused.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 6, 2014
I can see that.
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening…..
— Aaron Rodgers (@AaronRodgers12) February 6, 2014
… I bet you would get booed right off the stage. They're just not ready.
— Aaron Rodgers (@AaronRodgers12) February 6, 2014
What is he talking about?
On tonight's final @jayleno, Jay will reveal where he's hidden his personality all these years. Also he will juggle both of his faces.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) February 6, 2014
Someone’s not a big Jay Leno fan.
Wonder how many gold medals Putin is going to 'win' in Sochi?
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) February 6, 2014
He already won a Super Bowl ring.
When trying to up your serotonin on the treadmill do NOT watch Rich Kids of Beverly Hills. You will feel sadder than when you started.
— Katy Perry (@katyperry) February 7, 2014
Little tip.
Good morning @McDonalds go fuck yourself and your fucking jabroni English muffin
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) February 7, 2014
Jabroni English Muffin…
There's that boring Olympic event where cross country skiers shoot targets and there's a ton of stray dogs in Sochi. Two birds, one stone?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) February 6, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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