Apparently people like to do a lot of stupid things naked because here we are with VOLUME TWO of things people really shouldn’t do naked, but did anyway.
RELATED:
25 things you shouldn’t do naked (but people did anyway), Volume 1.
Naked man image by Shutterstock
Naked Things 25 through 21
25. Punch a 7-Eleven clerk
Abraham Andres Luna, 30, of Tarpon Springs, Florida, was charge with, deep breath, attempted auto burglary, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, reckless driving, aggravated fleeing to elude, driving while license revoked, resisting without violence and a violation of probation. He was wearing nothing but construction boots.
24. Stand up in the sunroof of your car
An unnamed man in California stopped traffic on the Pacific Coast Highway when he parked his red Tesla and started popping in and out of the sunroof of his car, tossing articles of clothing, and wildly moving his arms. A fireman on the scene said that the man may have been having a “meltdown or psychiatric episode or was on a controlled substance.” Of course, this was all caught on video.
23. Throw your underpants at a police officer
Daniel Dove was ejected from the Moo Moo nightclub in Trowbridge, England for being drunk and disorderly. When performing a strip search at the police station Dove allegedly threw his underpants at the officer’s face, and then got tasered.
22. Drive your car while mastrubating
Cory Evans, 22, from Boca Raton, Florida, was arrested Florida Highway Patrol because he was allegedly masturbating while driving next to a semi-truck down Interstate 95. The driver of the semi called police and told them that Evans “seemed to be enticing him.” When stopped by police Evans was clothed, however his zipper was down.
21. Scream ‘Surfbort’ while dancing like Beyonce
A man in Houston, reportedly high on embalming fluid, stripped naked and started dancing in the median of a busy street. “‘He was doing the Beyonce, the surf board, twerking, the Nae Nae. Every dance that s out there right now, he was doing,’ said witness Chad Arceneaux.” This too was caught on video, where the crowd appeared to be cheering him on, of course.
7-Eleven image by TungCheung/Shutterstock
Naked Things 20 through 16
20. Have sex with an ATM
Lonnie Hutton from Tennessee reportedly walked into a bar, pulled down his pants and proceeded to try to have sex with an ATM. When officers arrived Hutton was still nude from the waist down, thrusting his hips in the air. They then took him outside where he proceeded to try to have sex with a picnic table. Of note, he smelled of alcohol.
19. Dive through a woman’s sunroof
An unnamed man in Dallas dove through the sunroof of a woman’s moving car, naked mind you, causing the woman to veer into a utility pole. This was of course all caught on camera. Police suspected that the man was on drugs. Good sleuthing.
18. Masturbate in jail
Lakeisha Johnson, a 29 year-old stripper in Miami, was suspected of stealing an iPad so when police confronted her she “began taking off her clothes and using vulgar language.” While in the holding cell at the jail, she masturbated and repeatedly “exposed her genitals, buttocks and breasts.” She also offered to perform a sex act, which we assume was declined.
17. Expose and touch yourself while driving
David Foskette, 24, of Bremerton, Washington was confronted by police after a witness said Foskette was exposing himself while driving. When asked why he replied that he recently had a wax job that had irritated the skin around his genitals. He was stopped by police while wandering around a Burger King parking lot because he “he had to fart and that he didn’t want to do it in his car,” which makes so much more sense.
16. Play the violin
An unnamed man in Portland, Oregon was arrested for playing the violin in front of a downtown courthouse, naked. Making the cops’ lives worse he refused to walk to a squad car and had to be carried after repeated warnings to dress himself.
ATM image by Shutterstock
Naked Things 15 through 11
15. Masturbate at Starbucks
Benito Gonzalez Junior, a Camden, New Jersey police officer, was arrested for disorderly lewdness after he was reportedly caught masturbating in a Starbucks. “Officials say the officer was not on duty at the time.” Oh, thank goodness.
14. Masturbate at a library while holding a cucumber
Fredrick Tennyson Davis was charged with committing an “indecent act” after being spotted fapping with one hand while holding a cucumber with the other. Of note, this was the SECOND time he had done this in the library. When asked if Davis appeared threatening, the officer replied, “I don’t think he had any free hands to make any threat.” Good point.
13. Put your genitals in a plastic bag
Luis Gonzaga, 77!, was arrested at a farmer’s market after he was accused of covering his penis with a plastic bag and then rubbing against a woman in line. After denying that he did it, he did admit that the “exposure might have been inadvertent” and that the woman in front of him in line was “very attractive” so it’s all good.
12. Flood a stranger’s home
Suzanne Hussain, 34, of Calhoun, Georgia, was arrested and charged with burglary and criminal damage to property after a woman arrived home to find her house vandalized and filled with water. But that wasn’t even the biggest surprise as Hussain was later found naked hiding in a closet. The report also says that Hussain was “acting abnormally” thanks to killer detective work.
11. Mow your neighbor’s lawn
Bobby O. Blodgett, of Bay City, Michigan, was arraigned on one count of indecent exposure after a neighbor reported to police that he was cutting his lawn in the nude. Blodgett denied this accusation saying he was wearing bikini briefs. Another neighbor reported that a week earlier she saw him mowing while wearing only lady’s stockings. “I had on my underwear. I made a mistake. I was not naked. It won’t happen again. I was never naked,” stated Blodgett.
Starbucks image by mangpor2004/Shutterstock
Naked Things 10 through 6
10. Do yoga in the middle of the road
Michele Rene Cernak, 51, was approached by police after it was noticed that she was doing yoga with her pants around her ankles in the middle of the afternoon just a few blocks from a school…in the middle of the street. Witnesses said that she was stripping as she did her yoga. Police determined that she “appeared to be intoxicated.”
9. Stand in your front yard
William Thrower, the former Muscogee County (Georgia) Coroner, was found naked in his front yard when police responded to a dispute at his residence. Police indicated that alcohol and other drugs were involved in what was termed a “family violence” incident. His wife was also arrested for having “a drug-related object.”
8. Recite scripture
An unnamed man in Seattle reportedly crashed through the front door of a stranger’s home and began loudly reciting Scripture. When police arrived the man was walking down the street talking to himself. They somehow managed to catch him after which he admitted that he had taken taken LSD.
7. Masturbate on a picnic table
Gerald C. Meyer of Iowa City, Iowa was arrested after allegedly being spotted lying naked and masturbating on a picnic table. Police said the when confronted, Meyer replied that he was “playing with himself.” Oh yeah, guess where they ended up finding him? In a van.
6. Run around on the Interstate
Samson Wilcinot, 30, of Lincoln, Nebraska was arrested after police received a report of a naked man walking on and off Interstate 80. He was also accused of hitting a car that slowed down to see if he needed assistance. His hitting the car reportedly caused $1,500 in damage. How one causes $1,500 in damage to car while naked has yet to be resolved.
Naked woman image by Shutterstock
Naked Things 5 through 1
5. Steal hamburgers from a restaurant
Three unnamed men were spotted on surveillance video robbing Doc’s Beach House in Bonita Springs, Florida. Surprisingly, the three men didn’t enter the establishment naked, but wearing briefs. Only later in the video did they strip naked. While naked they stole 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers…and a paddleboard.
4. Dance on a tractor
Elias Velez-Morales, 24, was accused of driving (and dancing on) an International 354 tractor with his genitals exposed. He also urinated on his clothes and himself, and reportedly had “difficulty driving the farm implement” and get this, “appeared to be intoxicated.”
3. Take a nap in a stranger’s home
Freddy Shelby, 30, of Albuquerque, allegedly broke into a couple’s home, snagged himself a a Sprite from the fridge, then grabbed a nap in the couple’s master bedroom. After being awoken by police ripping the blankets off of him (he was in a very deep sleep) he said that he thought he was at his girlfriend’s house.
2. Run around a parking lot
Melissa M. Valencia, 21, of Rogers, Arkansas, was arrested after a call to police reported that a woman was running down the street naked, “tripping balls.” When police found her she was in a parking lot trying to hide behind a light pole. When finally caught by the cops she thrashed about so much they had to put her leg restraints. They they covered with a blanket. She later admitted to “taking acid at her boyfriend’s house.”
1. Smear feces on a stranger’s floor
Matthew Coomes, 25, surprising a couple when they found him naked in their bedroom. But that’s only the beginning. Coomes also allegedly flooded their kitchen and smeared feces on their floor. Coomes told police he didn’t remember going into the home and rather than arrest him police cited him for two misdemeanors and drove him home. The woman who owned the home was not happy with this punishment.
Hamburgers image by Shutterstock
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