Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
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Jesus Christ, Game of Thrones. Even when I know what’s going to happen, you manage to kick me in the stomach.
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) June 2, 2014
Said thousands…
Wife and I sitting wordlessly for 10 minutes now after watching the end of @GameOfThrones tonight. Good lord.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) June 2, 2014
As did thousands…
I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio's friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg…
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 2, 2014
Pretty safe bet.
"Oh no! I wore the pants I ripped in the crotch!!" — my son, in the car just now, realizing it's going to be a long day at school.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 2, 2014
But an airy one!
On the son/pants thing. I offered to take him home, of course. Or to meet him w another pair. He declined both and helped me write my tweet.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 2, 2014
I love the kid’s style.
Wait why aren't there parachutes on airplanes?
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) June 2, 2014
I guess we could just transport the luggage separately?
WHY CAN'T THEY BREED RED WHITE AND BLUE BALD EAGLES?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) June 2, 2014
Much better question. Way more logical.
FYI don't blow your nose and pee at the same time. I don't know what I just did… But it hurt.
— Alexa PenaVega (@alexavega) June 2, 2014
The more you know…
Less than a year til my 2nd annual "us seeing a woman drag a baby down the aisle in her dress" party
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 3, 2014
She’s talking about this, if you missed it.
So sad to hear of the death of Ann B. Davis who played Alice on The Brady Bunch. Will the curse of the Tiki Idol ever end?
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) June 3, 2014
First Greg and now Alice. So sad.
I'm not on Instagram…but I still appreciate it sometimes.
— Alison Brie (@alisonbrie) June 3, 2014
“Sometimes” is the operative word there.
Horse trailers should be illegal. If you need to move a horse, you should have to ride it like a goddamned American.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) June 3, 2014
Fuck yeah!
If you need to hate someone in a jiffy, just swing by their Instagram!
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 3, 2014
This is true.
i like to pretend that king kong really existed and he liked to fucking cuddle
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) June 3, 2014
I don’t even know what that means.
Hey old couples. Email addresses are free. You can each have your own. Wait… Just gave that more thought. Forget it. Keep sharing.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 3, 2014
Smart backtracking.
I've been going back & forth singing The Penis Song from The Sweetest Thing & Old Man River all day. A real treat for the people around me.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) June 4, 2014
Something’s not right there.
Between a rock and a hard place is my favorite saying of all time, and by all time I mean this moment.
— Addison Timlin (@Addijay) June 4, 2014
HYPERBOLE in the 21st century!
We are so lucky that the great escape artists like Harry Houdini aren’t also serial killers who can’t be locked up.
— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) June 4, 2014
That’s why I am keeping a sharp eye on David Blaine.
Happy National Running Day accept for the fucking piece of dog shit Oscar Pistorius I hope I break his fucking neck that no good jabroni
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 4, 2014
Pretty sure Sheik thinks he’s guilty.
Um I don't really need an iPad if I can draw sick boobs on my Etch a Sketch, do I? #AppleFail
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 4, 2014
I suppose you don’t.
I think most of you are idiots. But some of you aren't so you can't get mad at me. Unless you're an idiot, of course, then by all means…
— Dino Stamatopoulos (@DinosThirdTwitt) June 4, 2014
Twitter….
AND HUMPING, and humping,
— Rowdy Roddy Piper (@R_Roddy_Piper) June 4, 2014
Context here is irrelevant.
Hittin the sack. I'm hungry. If I was 25 I'd be eating a pizza right now. Sucks. Nite.
— Dale Earnhardt Jr. (@DaleJr) June 5, 2014
That does suck.
Question: Does anyone else legitimately miss Walter White and Jesse Pinkman? It can't just be me, right?
— Justin Timberlake (@jtimberlake) June 5, 2014
Nope, not just you, JT.
Gwyneth Paltrow is making my orange juice sad. :(
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 5, 2014
Re: This.
So…@IMKristenBell, did she want to build a snowman or what? You never got back to me.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) June 5, 2014
Seriously, how long do we have to wait?
I'm a very famous celebrity. It's true. Look it up!
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) June 5, 2014
Keep reading…
@AndyKindler I never see you at the meetings
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 5, 2014
One more…
@AndyKindler ha! Gotcha! THERE ARE NO MEETINGS!*
*I think— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 5, 2014
And there you have it. Celebrity Twitter, folks.
My timeline makes me want to cry. Common sense ain't common. #buyaclue
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) June 6, 2014
Welcome to Twitter.
The dumb is strong tonight & it's everywhere.
— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) June 6, 2014
Again, Twitter…
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray that Heat 'fans' buy a community thesaurus so that the insults on Sunday aren't so monotonous. #cbombs
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) June 6, 2014
Still Twitter…
If you don't shave or wax your pubes and you wear panty hose with no underwear, your crotch looks like Vlade Divac robbing a gas station.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 6, 2014
Maybe we should just stop there. Nah, one more…
When somebody call you ugly you tell them to GO FUCK YOURSELF
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 4, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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