Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
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Beyonce went all Red Wedding at the #VMA2014 and killed it
— George RR Martin (@GeorgeRRMartin_) August 25, 2014
Clever.
Thoughts:
I'm glad everyone's discovering Jessie J!
Met Iggy in an elevator and she was super nice.
Every time I see Blue Ivy, I cry. #VMAs
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) August 25, 2014
She cries?
I don't know who Rita Ora is, but she can read the shit out of a teleprompter. #VMAs
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 25, 2014
She needs to present every award.
love watching the #VMAs just 4 their audience reaction shots! They cant hide their distain for one another it's hilarious! #awkwardMoments
— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) August 25, 2014
Music people, petty? Nooo.
I'm going to Australia to become a rapper and you can't stop me
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 25, 2014
Please do this.
I picked the wrong episode to start watching True Blood. :(
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) August 25, 2014
The season finale usually is a bad place to start.
Beyoncé just danced her sexy ass off. I made brownies. #twinsies
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) August 25, 2014
Same thing pretty much.
"She's not wearing pants? Fuck it. I won't wear pants either." -every dressing room backstage at the VMA's
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) August 25, 2014
I approve of this fashion trend.
I want to watch someone flub the ice bucket challenge so I can scream EPIC FAIL! as I aggressively smear dogshit on their face.
— Jim Norton (@JimNorton) August 25, 2014
And I want to see him do that.
This above all: To thine own selfie be true, but face ye olde window for best lighting
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) August 25, 2014
Words to live by.
Well it's official, "my face is your toilet" is a bad pick up line.
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) August 25, 2014
I could have told him that.
Just rated everybody at this departure gate by coolness: I am second.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 25, 2014
I wonder who was first?
So liberating – just threw car keys into ocean. Glad they weren’t my car keys.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 25, 2014
Let’s all try that this weekend.
I really hope I get to fulfill one of my lifelong career goals tonight by putting my dick in the @eonline mani-cam. #Emmys
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) August 25, 2014
Please tell me this didn’t happen.
Dude faked his death via text message just to get a reply back… Genius
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) August 25, 2014
Ocho would like that move, wouldn’t he?
I don't know what the highlight of your Monday was but mine involved 5 naked ladies.
— Kayden Kross (@Kayden_Kross) August 26, 2014
Umm, I ate a pizza!
I want to thank God for making sure that @rickygervais lost tonight. I only wish I started praying before he made #Derek. #Yahweh #Yay
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) August 26, 2014
He’s apparently not a fan.
Me to everyone at #HBO #emmy party "I know you!" …oops – you are on TV.
— Julie Benz (@juliebenz) August 26, 2014
That must have been weird.
Put the word feminist behind Beyonce is the equivalent of putting "scientist" behind me on stage. Ah, not really. Like at all.
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) August 26, 2014
Shots fired!
Marry fuck kill: the tick, darkwing duck, brain (from pinky and the brain)
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) August 26, 2014
Pffft… no brainer amirite?
STRONGLY DISAGREE!!! RT @WhiteHouse RT if you agree: Women should earn the same pay as men for doing the same work. Period.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 26, 2014
Bet that won him some female fans.
if it ain't an aardvark it won't be a horse.
— Sandra Bernhard (@SandraBernhard) August 26, 2014
Words to live by.
More than 5 lines on your Instagram caption and you're officially a fucking weirdo I don't care how talented and awesome you are you are ODD
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 27, 2014
She has a point.
How many other kids are having Uzi 'training sessions' in America today?
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) August 27, 2014
Let’s hope zero.
I hope I never discover a genie when I’m really hungry, tired, or unhappy with my cell phone reception.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 27, 2014
True dat.
I’m considering the YOLO lifestyle, but remind me, why do you only like oranges?
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) August 27, 2014
So not funny, it’s funny.
Waking up was hard to do this am..but house of pains jump around got me goin!do u guys use music to wake u up? I'm gonna do this every am!
— maria menounos (@mariamenounos) August 27, 2014
We’re going to need video of this.
I recently watched a woman walking her dog in the grocery store stop and let her dog PISS in the aisle In front of the eggs. I left
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) August 27, 2014
Seems like the right move there.
I just saw my dad do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge shirtless… Life isn't the same.
— Syd Wilder (@SydWilder) August 27, 2014
I like her dad’s style.
Chris Paul never wears the same pair of shoes for two games. Says he cracks open a new pair every night.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) August 27, 2014
Cool. And now I hate Chris Paul.
Evidently I am approaching a million followers . Fascinating. LLAP
— Leonard Nimoy (@TheRealNimoy) August 25, 2014
Whoa! Calm down there, Spock.
Breaking News: Hello Kitty isn't a cat. Bieber thinks he's Princess Diana. A kid shooting an Uzi is a bad idea. That plane is still missing.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 28, 2014
And that’s your week in review.
Sometimes I feel like those Sons of Anarchy promos are bullying me
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 28, 2014
They’re so mean.
I love them both. But McDonald's needs to up their cheese bite game and Burger King needs to up their french fry game. #thereisaidit
— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) August 28, 2014
#HOTTAKE.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie must be excited to finally have sex!
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) August 28, 2014
Will we read about that on the AP wire too?
Now that Brad and Angelina are married, I can FINALLY start worrying about when they're going to get divorced.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 28, 2014
Oh, I am sure that’s already begun.
Just took a "which movie are you" quiz on @facebook turns out I'm a
ROM/COM, bc I hate myself
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) August 28, 2014
No way I’m taking that test.
Recently discovered the joys of "brushing your teeth". Everybody should try it at least once. I highly recommend it! #yolo
— Jeff Ross (@realjeffreyross) August 28, 2014
YOLO, indeed.
Full House good but fuck the jabroni Kimmie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) August 27, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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